Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think a kid would responsible me up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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