Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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