I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
