singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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