But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
