Who did Billy Mays play for?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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