Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
