is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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