I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
