two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked