hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's always time for handjobs
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...