would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio