Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?