there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.