Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.