He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
