My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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