i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
