Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
