dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize