this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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