"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
