you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
