Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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