I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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