Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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