Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
