So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
