I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
