apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
