Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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