I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
