Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
