We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
