your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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