you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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