You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
