im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize