apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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