I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
