using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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