This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
