Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
