Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
