"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
either way he was missing a nipple.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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