Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
