She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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