Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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