he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
