My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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