Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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