Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
