Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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