You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
