can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
