He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
