Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
