Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
