made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
