I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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