How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
