This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
