I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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