I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
