I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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