um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
