At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
