No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
