Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
