Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest