oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!