Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize