Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
